My first memory of Mother's Day was my mom telling me that it was Mother's Day, having me sit down at the table, and telling me to draw a nice picture for her. Being a little kid, I drew the best picture I could, only to get yelled at for "scribbling." I seem to remember her acting angry at me for awhile after that on that day, snapping at me every so often to remind me of her anger and why. Perhaps understandably, I've always looked at Mother's Day with some disdain, if not dread.

Most people I imagine have mothers that they can in some way be grateful for. Mothers who aren't the incarnation of narcissism. Mothers who care and take pride in ALL of their kids, rather than just picking a favorite. Mothers who don't say things like, "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it!" Mothers who don't consciously and persistently use their kids as weapons against their fathers. Mothers who don't make their kids suicidal. Alas, I am not one of those fortunate people.

About a year and a half ago, I cut off my mother. I've told her that I will not speak with her again until she does something to improve herself, and proves to me she has changed. However, she would sooner choke to death on her own pride than swallow it and admit to any wrong-doing, so I am not expecting to ever have friendly relations with her again. I respect myself too much now to force myself to be unhappy just so she can maintain her delusions.

Anyway, those who are paying attention may notice that I've picked up a new hobby: painting! This is with the encouragement of my girlfriend, who got me a set of acrylics for my birthday. I'm liking what I've done so far - one purely abstract one that I'd originally intended to be a background, but left as is, and one inspired in part by Depeche Mode's "Walking in my Shoes." That song and video has always spoken strongly to me. Admittedly however, much of what comes out right in my paintings are happy accidents. Much of it comes out quite different from what I planned, and I work with it. I am not, however, good at actual shapes. I was trying to do a silhouette of a female form a little earlier tonight... the results weren't pretty. I think I'll practice that a bit on paper to save canvas. I can draw a female form, but I can't paint one. I'm a little envious of my girlfriend's talent in painting... but maybe I'll get there, too.